Introduction
Michelle Obama the legend herself came out with another book and we had to review it. The book examines different tools and tactics that Mrs. Obama uses to make her life more enjoyable and easier to manage even in uncertain times.
The book came out in November 2022 which followed her first book ‘Becoming Michelle’ which was a memoir of her life. ‘The Light We Carry’ dives mostly into Michelle’s life after the White House during the peak of the pandemic but shows other moments in her life as well. She gives us insight into her feelings at the time such as fear, hopelessness, and lack of control, and the things she does to ensure she feels aligned again.
Part 1
- Small Along the Big
The first chapter talks about the first couple of months into the pandemic and how everything was at a complete standstill. Michelle explains how jarring this was for her because she was used to being so busy. From lawyer to mom to First Lady among many other things, she is a busy lady.These sudden changes left her feeling confused like many of us at the time but also hopeless in a way. The problem was so large that it felt like there was not much she could do which translated into her daily life. These feelings continued until one day her knitting kit came in the mail. Little did she know this little kit would change her entire outlook on life.
She begins knitting and like most people finds this very therapeutic. She gets into a rhythm and goes on making various things from hats to halter tops. Although she loves this aspect because she is making things for loved ones she realizes that it is doing much more for her.
It is allowing her to focus and make it through the day. This small task is helping her take her mind off the craziest in the world and focus on her very small task which was knitting.
This is the whole point of the chapter. She realized that although this time was challenging, you still have to focus on the small task to get through the day, whatever that small task may be for you. She also ties this into having larger things you want accomplished but taking these smaller steps allows you not to get overwhelmed and chip away at the goal at the same time.
This lesson was very impactful for me because it brought to light that incremental actions truly make monumental changes.
- Harness Energy from Fear
Fear is inevitable as a human but Mrs. Obama explains in this chapter that instead of letting your fears cripple you, try to harness energy from it to help propel you forward in whatever goals you have.
She explains a story from her childhood where she was afraid of a stuffed animal on a stage she had to perform on for a Christmas program. Her fear of this stuffed turtle scared her so much that she almost didn’t perform in this program that she was so excited to be in.
Like in the first book her no-nonsense Aunt Robbie who was putting on the show told her she could pull it together or sit on the sideline and watch. In that moment she made a choice, that her excitement for the show outweighed her fear of this stuffed animal.
She got on stage and realized that this stuffed turtle wasn’t scary at all and actually cute. She reflects on this and realizes that her fears are irrational as most fears are.
Fears are things that you are scared are going to happen but haven’t happened yet. The majority of the time the thought or build up of something can be scarier than the actual thing but facing them directly can give you the energy to get the very task that you are scared of.
She talks about this when talking about how she and her brother Craig would watch this scary show as a child. Craig she explained was completely unfazed by this scary show but it had her shaking in her boots but she kept coming back for more. Although she never came to like scary movies, shows, etc she came to realize that facing these fears directly made it easier to get through.
Harnessing energy from fear can be the most powerful and liberating part of life.
- Show up and Be Kind to Yourself
Showing up for yourself can mean many different things and look different for everyone but is important not only for yourself but things you love. Most times we show up for everyone else in our lives but neglect ourselves which has long-lasting effects.Michelle talks about this more in this chapter and uses the example of a friend who shows up for himself in the smallest way… with a simple Hi. She explains that every morning her friend would wake up look in the mirror and say “Hi buddy”. This simple act is not overly positive and certainly not negative it just is.
To Michelle, a small act to yourself is a reminder that you matter and deserve kindness just as much as everyone else. This also shows that you don’t have to get this type of kindness and love from external sources and that it can all come from within.
No matter what this action is for you, setting up this type of foundation for yourself is an act of self-love and care that spreads to others as you continue to pour into yourself.
- Rewriting your Own Story
In this chapter, she starts by telling us about an insecurity she had as a child which was being tall. As long as she could remember she towered over her classmates and was teased from time to time. These feelings stuck with her throughout her life until she learned that no one can make you feel bad about yourself if you feel good.
She took this lesson into other sectors of her life such as when she felt like she was what she calls an “only” such as when she was a Princeton.
As a double minority ( black and a woman) her environment there was not filled with others who looked like her. Although she did find community through the cultural center there,it was mostly confined to those walls.
It was there that she realized other people also felt like her. The lack of representation she felt there helped drive her passions as she advanced into different spaces. She began to become the representation for the next generation because as she put it “it’s hard to dream about what’s not visible”.
As she is continuing to pave a path she also explains that her insecurities still do come up but having confidence and pride in who you are helps shrink down insecurities you may have.
Essentially being proud of who you are and your differences will make you less susceptible to feeling self-conscious about the things that make you who you are. It may also shed light on a larger problem of lack of representation which can help make change for the next generations to come.
Part 2
- Intentional Friendships
Connections whether they are 5 minutes or 5 years are necessary for humans to thrive, live and build a solid community. Michelle dives into this topic in this chapter by giving us insight into what she calls her “Kitchen table”.Which is essentially a solid group of friends around her who she can lean on and also help when times get tough. Her kitchen table ranges from all different types of women who she has around for different reasons but still helps her fill up her cup.
She explains that no one person can fulfill all your social needs so it is important to recognize what you need and be intentional about bringing those people into your life. At the same time make sure you are bringing value to that other person as well. As she highlights, different relationships can give you a different perspective about yourself.
In the era of social media, she explains how she has seen the social interactions and lives of people change over time which correlates to the known fact people are lonelier than ever.
Social media has acted as a shield from real-life interactions where people perform on there more than they connect. This has been detrimental to the formation of long lasting relationships.
Although this is true social media has offered a unique opportunity of opening us up to differences that we may not have been able to be able to experience otherwise. Ultimately connecting with real people allows you to see that these differences between people aren’t so different after all.
By taking a chance and pouring into relationships that you can see going far, real-life connections can occur. This can offer you an opportunity to foster a community around you that is there for you through the ups and downs.
- Vulnerabilities Foster Intimacy
In the next chapter, Michelle continues to talk about relationships but dives deeper into her relationship with President Obama.She explains how people always ask her how her relationship has stayed as strong as it is through the years and sometimes even go as far as to question the legitimacy of their relationship.
Although she makes it clear that their relationship is not perfect she gives her tips that have worked for her relationship.
Her biggest lesson is to be a team. This is cliché advice but as she explains what she means more through the chapter, the advice is far from a cliché.
Teamwork as she explains starts with showing up as your truest self and trying your best in the relationship. Giving that person your all and receiving that person’s all in return is key to a solid foundation in the relationship.
These sound simple in theory but in practice can be challenging especially during disagreements or when tensions are high. This led to her next point of understanding your person’s background and how they were raised.
Understanding why this person does what they do and how they do it can give you peace and clarity during disagreements because you know why this person may be behaving this way. ( this obviously applies as long as the person isn’t harming you).
This then fosters realness and vulnerability within the relationship which breeds faith that you have made the right choices. This faith then translates into intimacy which only strengthens your relationship.
Having someone in your corner who rocks your world in the best way allows you to be more comfortable in yourself and in the love that you give to that person.
- Her Mother’s Lessons
As Michelle transitioned into her role as First Lady she knew that she needed her mother by her side. In this chapter, she talks about how her mom is her rock and some of the lessons she has passed on to her that she lives by.Funnily enough, her mom was fighting tooth and nail against moving into the White House. She explains that her mom was very comfortable in Michelle’s childhood home in Chicago and never planned on moving.
After some strong convincing and an undeniable love for her granddaughters, she moved in. Michelle explains this as a huge help and a weight off her shoulders.
Her mother’s calm demeanor helped Michelle stay level-headed during times of high stress. But also taught her how to be more confident in her parenting.
Her calm demeanor spread beyond the family as her mom became an icon within the White House and media. Known for being straightforward and fairly unchanging, people grew to love her mom.
Treating and talking to everyone equally from high-up officials to the mailman Michelle explains why people were naturally attracted to her mother.
Having her rock in a time when Michelle couldn’t even imagine the outcome gave her a great level of peace and certainty that allowed her to transition into this time much easier and maintain that peace throughout the next 8 years in the White House.
Part 3
- We’re Alone and yet We’re not Alone
Once again in this chapter, Michelle goes back to the importance of having a solid village around you. She starts by explaining all the people around her who help her make it through the day.From hairdressers to assistants she explains how at first it was hard for her to understand that she doesn’t have to do everything by herself and actually how her quality of life improved once she stopped trying to do everything alone.
One person who has helped her throughout her time in the office but also stayed with her afterward is her assistant Chynna. She explains how truly dependent she is on the young lady and they soon develop a relationship that extends beyond work.
Michelle learns that Chynna’s father was incarcerated and that this fact has held Chynna back all the years they worked together. Once she told Michelle and saw how accepting she still was of her, she described it as a weight off her shoulders.
She also eventually starts opening up to others about this situation and finds out that she is not as alone as she thinks. Michelle describes this as Chynna starting to let her guard down but also understanding the importance of her story.
Talking about your vulnerabilities with others, especially as minorities can give you pride and a sense of power in who you are. It can help to break down the shame you feel about your insecurities and allow you to harness that energy for good.
As she has stated throughout the book time and time again stepping into who you are not only makes you stronger but also connects you to other people more.
- The Ability to be Prepared but also Adaptable
The balance between showing your light but also guarding your heart can be tricky especially if you are the type of person who stays armored up as Michelle was.This is very common as a minority and especially as a woman because we always have to stay on the defense. Ensuring we aren’t showing too much of ourselves for others to judge. In our culture, we call it code-switching.
Although this is a useful skill to have when you simply do not have the energy to fight or be on the defense, Michelle challenges us to rethink about hiding ourselves away, especially in professional spaces.
If we stay with our armor up we can miss out on opportunities that align with who we truly are. We won’t be able to explore those options because we never shared that side of ourselves in these spaces.
This also can be very tiring in the end because we are holding back on thoughts and feelings we may have because we are in a space that doesn’t make them feel valid.
Michelle explains if we want to pave a path for the next generation we need to show who we are so that they do not have to go through the same experiences that we had to go through.
She understands that this is not an easy battle as she is literally the first African American First Lady. But she does give tips on how she made it through.
As stated earlier she says to be open to showing more of yourself in these spaces but at the same time pick your battles and manage your resources.
This means be yourself but understand that as a minority people with test you but not everything warrants a response or emotion. Continue to shine your light but also protect your energy.
- Steps and Strides
“When they go low we go high” is an infamous quote by Mrs.Obama. This quote is so legendary that when you hear you instantly think of her.In this chapter, she explains what it means to go high. To go high to Michelle means that you decide to turn away from the negativity and do what you can to make an impact.
Going high is a lifestyle not a cheap saying that you put on a water bottle. It doesn’t mean pushing down your emotions but rather taking the emotions that you have towards a situation and putting them into something good that can make a real change.
Taking actionable steps towards something instead of just posting a black screen on Instagram and Twitter during the Black Lives Matter movement. Social media is a great way to bring awareness to a situation but if real steps aren’t taken no real changes are being made.
She explains that we have to take real action and not just have reactions to situations. This takes time of course as she says going high isn’t just for a day or a year it can take decades or generations.
Uncertainties and pain are constant in this world and often coexist with joy which can be confusing but taking that negative energy and turning it into something good is essentially what she is saying to do.
With this by being selective with your energy and understanding what you stand for you can go high and make a long-lasting impact.
Conclusion
From this amazing book, many lessons were given on how to not only navigate uncertain and challenging times but also how to navigate life in general.
At the root of it, I believe Michelle is telling us to have a balanced life, fight for what we believe in, foster a community, and continue to pour into ourselves.
These basic life lessons are what matter in this life and with life always changing it is something we have to continually work at.
She never said it was easy but through her writing and the impact that she has made and continues to make, I believe it is worth it.